How To Start Over After Failure
by Rick Warren
A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. Proverbs 28:13 (LB)
*** *** *** ***
Here are four steps to take when starting over after a failure:
1. Accept responsibility for your own failure. If you’ve made a mistake, admit it.
Welcome to the human race! Don’t blame others. To blame others is to “be lame.” Losers love to blame bad luck, the economy, the boss, their spouse, or even God for failure. But winners never accuse others and never excuse themselves when they fail.
In 1974, after an 88-game winning streak, the UCLA basketball team lost to Notre Dame in a game where they’d led by 11 points. The next day’s headline read: “Coach Wooden says, ‘Blame me!’” Wooden was a winner.
“A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance” (Proverbs 28:13 LB).
2. Recognize the benefits of failure.
Failure teaches you what doesn’t work. Thomas Edison, the great inventor, said, “Don’t call it a failure. Call it an education!” Failure forces you to be more creative as you look for new ways to accomplish something. It prevents arrogance and egotism. If everything you did was a stunning success, no one could live with you!
Failure also causes you to reevaluate what’s important in life. It’s one way God gets you to reflect on the direction of your life. “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (Proverbs 20:30 GNT).
3. Ask God for wisdom to understand what caused your failure. Why did you fail? Is there any reason you might have set yourself up to fail? There are many unconscious reasons we sometimes sabotage our own efforts:
• Fear of success – Success may mean handling more responsibility than you want to carry.
• Guilt – If you feel you don’t deserve to succeed, you may set yourself up to fail.
• Resentment – Some people fail as a way of getting even with those who are pressuring them to succeed.
• Ask God what caused it – “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all ...” (James 1:5 NIV).
4. Forget the past and focus on the future. Your past is past!
It’s water under the bridge. You can’t change it so you may as well stop worrying about it. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on ...” (Philippians 3:13-14 NIV).
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Anger:Re-pattern Your Mind
by Rick Warren
"Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind" (Romans 12:2 TEV).
The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we've got to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc.—then we need to have some mental reconditioning.
Gary Smalley suggests you begin asking yourself questions like, "Do I enjoy getting angry?" "Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?" "Could I get the same results in a more effective way?" "How would I be different?" Smalley suggests you write it down and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, that's 26 times.
Take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger?I'd suggest using Bible verses in your letter, so that as God's Word fills your thoughts, you're transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you.
The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am. But here's the thing: when you understand how much God loves you and you understand your security in Christ, when you understand how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable.
Homework: Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us, and that we are secure in him.
"Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind" (Romans 12:2 TEV).
The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we've got to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc.—then we need to have some mental reconditioning.
Gary Smalley suggests you begin asking yourself questions like, "Do I enjoy getting angry?" "Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?" "Could I get the same results in a more effective way?" "How would I be different?" Smalley suggests you write it down and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, that's 26 times.
Take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger?I'd suggest using Bible verses in your letter, so that as God's Word fills your thoughts, you're transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you.
The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am. But here's the thing: when you understand how much God loves you and you understand your security in Christ, when you understand how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable.
Homework: Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us, and that we are secure in him.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Growing Younger - We Need Each Other
by John Fischer
Ah, but I was so much older
then I'm younger than that now - Bob Dylan
We often think of spiritual growth as getting spiritually bigger and stronger. That would make sense since it’s the meaning of the word. We even have a term we use for those who have walked with God a long time: we call them “spiritual giants.” Yet I’m not sure they, or God, would support the metaphor.
On a couple of occasions when the disciples of Jesus volunteered to shoo the children away, Jesus rebuked them and made a point of His preference for children, going as far as to say that the rest of us need to become like them if we have any desire of finding a heaven in our future.
I wonder what part of being like children he meant. Obviously he didn’t mean we were to be like children in everything, because children are naïve and foolish sometimes. Children are immature and God is pointing us all to maturity in Christ. But in some things spiritual, children have the upper hand.
The most obvious is their simple and total faith and trust in their parents, which becomes an example for us of how to trust our heavenly Father. Secondly, and not quite as obvious, is the wonder of a child. A small child is on a road of discovery and every new thing is full of delight. It does not take much to please young children because their imaginations are so active and their experiences are so new and fresh.
Something else I’ve observed afresh with our nine-year-old Chandler is the ease by which children make friends. We can be at a local park or at the beach and I watch him immediately jump in with whoever is there—no introductions necessary—as if they were long lost buddies.
And it's also always a contrast with parents around, how careful and suspicious we are of each other as we play out a little charade to determine whether or not we will introduce ourselves and bother getting into adult conversation while our children play. Our children have no problem with what can be a difficult barrier for us, and the contrast makes our isolation even more apparent.
Take it from the kids: we need each other. We are all longing for contact; we are just afraid.
Our mission in life revolves around relationships. Learn from the children. They are judgment-free, suspicion-free, un-self-conscious playmates, sharing in what they have in common, and jumping into the "now-ness" of being together. I don't know about you, but I could sure stand to be a lot more like that.
Ah, but I was so much older
then I'm younger than that now - Bob Dylan
We often think of spiritual growth as getting spiritually bigger and stronger. That would make sense since it’s the meaning of the word. We even have a term we use for those who have walked with God a long time: we call them “spiritual giants.” Yet I’m not sure they, or God, would support the metaphor.
On a couple of occasions when the disciples of Jesus volunteered to shoo the children away, Jesus rebuked them and made a point of His preference for children, going as far as to say that the rest of us need to become like them if we have any desire of finding a heaven in our future.
I wonder what part of being like children he meant. Obviously he didn’t mean we were to be like children in everything, because children are naïve and foolish sometimes. Children are immature and God is pointing us all to maturity in Christ. But in some things spiritual, children have the upper hand.
The most obvious is their simple and total faith and trust in their parents, which becomes an example for us of how to trust our heavenly Father. Secondly, and not quite as obvious, is the wonder of a child. A small child is on a road of discovery and every new thing is full of delight. It does not take much to please young children because their imaginations are so active and their experiences are so new and fresh.
Something else I’ve observed afresh with our nine-year-old Chandler is the ease by which children make friends. We can be at a local park or at the beach and I watch him immediately jump in with whoever is there—no introductions necessary—as if they were long lost buddies.
And it's also always a contrast with parents around, how careful and suspicious we are of each other as we play out a little charade to determine whether or not we will introduce ourselves and bother getting into adult conversation while our children play. Our children have no problem with what can be a difficult barrier for us, and the contrast makes our isolation even more apparent.
Take it from the kids: we need each other. We are all longing for contact; we are just afraid.
Our mission in life revolves around relationships. Learn from the children. They are judgment-free, suspicion-free, un-self-conscious playmates, sharing in what they have in common, and jumping into the "now-ness" of being together. I don't know about you, but I could sure stand to be a lot more like that.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A funny thing happened on the way to a poem
by John Fischer
A funny thing happened on the way to a poem: I unearthed a controversy I had no intention of addressing. But since it came up, let's see what we can do with this.
I'm referring to the subject of tattoos and body-piercing that came up when I used the metaphor of a tattoo to describe our names that have been engraved upon the palm of God's hand.
Some, who were accustomed to sharing the Catch with the whole family, were concerned their kids might see the metaphor as encouraging the practice of marking their bodies which as parents they disapprove of.
Still others were elated to find at least an inclusive reference to tattoos in a context they wouldn't expect. They were overjoyed with being able to take what had been for so many a source of division, and use it as a link for parents and kids—a bridge across a formerly insurmountable cultural divide.
This is what I wish to affirm today: an attitude of seizing every opportunity for reconciliation that we can find. There is so much that divides us without even trying. We need to put our efforts into what brings us together.
"…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3)
A funny thing happened on the way to a poem: I unearthed a controversy I had no intention of addressing. But since it came up, let's see what we can do with this.
I'm referring to the subject of tattoos and body-piercing that came up when I used the metaphor of a tattoo to describe our names that have been engraved upon the palm of God's hand.
Some, who were accustomed to sharing the Catch with the whole family, were concerned their kids might see the metaphor as encouraging the practice of marking their bodies which as parents they disapprove of.
Still others were elated to find at least an inclusive reference to tattoos in a context they wouldn't expect. They were overjoyed with being able to take what had been for so many a source of division, and use it as a link for parents and kids—a bridge across a formerly insurmountable cultural divide.
This is what I wish to affirm today: an attitude of seizing every opportunity for reconciliation that we can find. There is so much that divides us without even trying. We need to put our efforts into what brings us together.
"…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The Secret to Handling Frustration
By: Rick Warren
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).
It’s amazing how fifteen minor frustrations at the office can add up to one big, bad attitude by the time you head for home. Frustrations come in three varieties:
1. Interruptions: Unexpected visitors or phone calls when you have a deadline to meet or something important requires your attention. Our best plans are often interrupted.
2. Inconveniences: While interruptions are usually from people, inconveniences are usually situations involving things: the copy machine breaks down, traffic jams up, or you can’t find what you need when you need it.
3. Irritations: Long delays, unreliable people, playing telephone tag, catching a cold, obnoxious clients, etc.
But the truth is you can’t eliminate these. No doubt you’ll face all three varieties this week, but you can keep them from stressing you out.What’s the secret of managing your frustrations?
Don’t resist it, but don’t overreact or blow up. Don’t resent it; don’t internalize your anger. Don’t resign to it; don’t have a pity-party.Instead, reduce it. Treat it as insignificant. Put the frustration into proper perspective. It’s just a minor setback, a part of living, no big deal!
It’s certainly not worth a heart attack. Follow these rules for stress management:
• RULE #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
• RULE #2: Realize it’s all small stuff!
The Bible says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV). The only way we can see all stuff as small stuff is to view it from God’s perspective. When I am in tune with God, I remember he has everything under control even though I don’t! So I don’t have to sweat it:
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV). Pray this prayer: “Lord, help me to be filled with your love, joy, and peace, so that when I’m squeezed and pressured it is your love, joy, and peace that spill out of me.”
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).
It’s amazing how fifteen minor frustrations at the office can add up to one big, bad attitude by the time you head for home. Frustrations come in three varieties:
1. Interruptions: Unexpected visitors or phone calls when you have a deadline to meet or something important requires your attention. Our best plans are often interrupted.
2. Inconveniences: While interruptions are usually from people, inconveniences are usually situations involving things: the copy machine breaks down, traffic jams up, or you can’t find what you need when you need it.
3. Irritations: Long delays, unreliable people, playing telephone tag, catching a cold, obnoxious clients, etc.
But the truth is you can’t eliminate these. No doubt you’ll face all three varieties this week, but you can keep them from stressing you out.What’s the secret of managing your frustrations?
Don’t resist it, but don’t overreact or blow up. Don’t resent it; don’t internalize your anger. Don’t resign to it; don’t have a pity-party.Instead, reduce it. Treat it as insignificant. Put the frustration into proper perspective. It’s just a minor setback, a part of living, no big deal!
It’s certainly not worth a heart attack. Follow these rules for stress management:
• RULE #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
• RULE #2: Realize it’s all small stuff!
The Bible says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV). The only way we can see all stuff as small stuff is to view it from God’s perspective. When I am in tune with God, I remember he has everything under control even though I don’t! So I don’t have to sweat it:
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV). Pray this prayer: “Lord, help me to be filled with your love, joy, and peace, so that when I’m squeezed and pressured it is your love, joy, and peace that spill out of me.”
Friday, May 22, 2009
God's Provision:Faithful Givng
by Rick Warren
"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).
God promises to meet all your financial needs, if you (1) ask him for help; (2) learn to be content; and (3) practice giving in faith.There is a universal law called the principle of sowing and reaping.
If I sow criticism, I'm going to reap criticism. If I sow generosity, it's going to come back to me, and I'm going to reap generosity.Every farmer knows this. A farmer has four sacks of seed in his barn and he looks at his empty field. He doesn't complain, "There's no crop! I wish there was a crop!" He just goes out and starts planting seed. When you have a need, plant a seed.
It seems illogical that when I have a need, I should give. That's why it requires faith. God says, "My ways are not your ways."Why did God set it up that way? Because God is a giver. He is the most generous giver in the universe, and God wants you to learn to be like him. He wants to build character in you.The Bible says, "Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).
This is the principle of tithing. It's the principle that says every time I make one hundred dollars, the first ten dollars goes back to God.Tithing is an act of worship. We're giving to God. We're saying, "All of it came from you anyway." God says, "Put me first in your life and watch what I do." You may think you can't afford to tithe, but the reality is, you can't afford not to.Tomorrow we'll look at maintaining integrity, another condition for answered prayer.
"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).
God promises to meet all your financial needs, if you (1) ask him for help; (2) learn to be content; and (3) practice giving in faith.There is a universal law called the principle of sowing and reaping.
If I sow criticism, I'm going to reap criticism. If I sow generosity, it's going to come back to me, and I'm going to reap generosity.Every farmer knows this. A farmer has four sacks of seed in his barn and he looks at his empty field. He doesn't complain, "There's no crop! I wish there was a crop!" He just goes out and starts planting seed. When you have a need, plant a seed.
It seems illogical that when I have a need, I should give. That's why it requires faith. God says, "My ways are not your ways."Why did God set it up that way? Because God is a giver. He is the most generous giver in the universe, and God wants you to learn to be like him. He wants to build character in you.The Bible says, "Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).
This is the principle of tithing. It's the principle that says every time I make one hundred dollars, the first ten dollars goes back to God.Tithing is an act of worship. We're giving to God. We're saying, "All of it came from you anyway." God says, "Put me first in your life and watch what I do." You may think you can't afford to tithe, but the reality is, you can't afford not to.Tomorrow we'll look at maintaining integrity, another condition for answered prayer.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Listen before you answer
By Rick Warren
"Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).
To really communicate, you must give up three things:
1. You must give up your assumptions. We get into trouble when we start assuming we understand the meaning of what people say to us. The truth is everything you hear goes through a filter. Your filter is determined by your past experiences and your unique personality. You may not be hearing what they are really saying. Therefore, it is smart (and safe) to ask for clarification: "Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).
2. You must give up your accusations. You never get your point across by being cross. Anger and sarcasm only make people defensive and that kills communication. There are four common forms of accusation:• Exaggerating, such as making sweeping generalities like "You never," or "You always."• Labeling, such as derogatory name-calling. Labeling never changes anyone. It only reinforces the negative behavior.• Playing historian, such as bringing up past failures, mistakes, and broken promises.• Asking loaded questions, ones that really can't be answered, such as, "Can't you do anything right?"The Bible says, "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Ephesians 4:29 TEV).
3. You must give up your apprehensions. Fear prevents honest communication. It causes us to conceal our true feelings and fail to confront the real issues. The two most common apprehensions are: the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. But when you face your fear and risk being honest, then real communication can happen. Freedom is the result of openness. Jesus said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32 TEV).
"Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).
To really communicate, you must give up three things:
1. You must give up your assumptions. We get into trouble when we start assuming we understand the meaning of what people say to us. The truth is everything you hear goes through a filter. Your filter is determined by your past experiences and your unique personality. You may not be hearing what they are really saying. Therefore, it is smart (and safe) to ask for clarification: "Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).
2. You must give up your accusations. You never get your point across by being cross. Anger and sarcasm only make people defensive and that kills communication. There are four common forms of accusation:• Exaggerating, such as making sweeping generalities like "You never," or "You always."• Labeling, such as derogatory name-calling. Labeling never changes anyone. It only reinforces the negative behavior.• Playing historian, such as bringing up past failures, mistakes, and broken promises.• Asking loaded questions, ones that really can't be answered, such as, "Can't you do anything right?"The Bible says, "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Ephesians 4:29 TEV).
3. You must give up your apprehensions. Fear prevents honest communication. It causes us to conceal our true feelings and fail to confront the real issues. The two most common apprehensions are: the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. But when you face your fear and risk being honest, then real communication can happen. Freedom is the result of openness. Jesus said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32 TEV).
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