Connections Blog

The Three-Levels of Small Group Problems

2010-07-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

by Heather Zempe, Pastor of Discipleship at National Community Church

My husband and I purchased a house recently, and it got me thinking: Do you ever wish you could just put your small group on the market and let some new leader deal with the problems? If you've never felt this way, then you probably haven't been leading for very long. And if you're thinking to yourself, Problems? What problems?, then strap yourself in, because this could be a bumpy ride.

If you lead a small group, you will encounter problems. There's no way around it. When you deal with people, it gets messy. These problems can range from the fairly benign (people won't talk in my group) to the very serious (someone has threatened suicide). That isn't to scare you; it's to equip you.

When faced with a problem, it's important to identify the type and severity of the problem, and then determine the next course of action. That's the purpose of this article.

Level 1 Problems

Level 1 Problems are the ones that will be encountered in every small group at some point. Examples include the following:
• People will not engage in discussion
• People shy away from praying out loud
• Someone repeatedly skips down rabbit trails and takes the whole group on the journey
• Prayer requests are shallow
• EGRs (Extra Grace Requireds). These people tend to be a bit more needy—they need more prayer, need more encouragement, and need more of you.

These are typical small-group issues, and you will face them at some point if you haven't already. Here are some steps for addressing these types of small-group problems:
• Pray. Don't use prayer as a last resort; stay on offense with prayer.
• Address the issue first with the person individually. Be natural and seek to understand from their perspective. Make "observations" instead of accusations. For instance, "I've noticed that you don't comment much in the discussion. Is there something we can do to make it easier for you to engage the topic?"
• Be creative. This is especially helpful for the person skipping down rabbit trails. Come up with a time limit, a hand signal, or some other means to help them stay on track. You can actually make this fun and not burdensome.
• Be patient. None of these problems will kill your group, and taking the time to allow them to be solved naturally will create a culture where community can emerge.

Level 2 Problems

Level 2 Problems will also occur in your group if you stay together long enough and allow community to emerge. Here are some examples:
• Someone in the group monopolizes the conversation or takes on an authoritative or self-righteous tone
• Someone in the group constantly causes division or makes divisive comments
• "Discussions" (read: fights, arguments, conflict) erupt in your group
• Conversations and relationships remain shallow and surface-level. Your group becomes a pseudo-community, in other words.
• Gossip runs rampant
• You have chronic complainers, or negative talk and attitudes emerge
• Someone in your group needs to be confronted about a sin

These problems require a little more skill and a bit of confidence. Here are some ideas:
• Pray. Again, get out of the defensive posture and attack from an offensive position.
• Don't ignore the issue. You know there's a problem, and it's likely that everyone else in the group knows there's a problem. Ignoring problems never makes them go away.
• If the problem lies primarily with one individual, approach that person first.

Again, make observations instead of accusations. Seek to understand them. Pray with them when you talk them.

Get help when needed. If the individual is unresponsive or unrepentant, implement the biblical method for conflict resolution found in Matthew 18:15-20. Get a co-leader, coach, or pastor involved in the process.

• If something happens in your group, process it as a group. Don't ignore that the tensions exist or that the community is staying at a surface level. Address the topics within the group setting.
• Protect the group. If a problem persists, it may be necessary to ask a person to leave the group.

Level 3 Problems

Some unfortunate leaders encounter Level 3 problems during their first week of leadership. Others lead for years before encountering one. These are problems that you are not equipped or expected to handle on your own—they are outside the scope of small-group leader responsibilities. Examples include the following:
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Repeated offensive activity in the group
• Inappropriate relational and/or sexual behavior between group members
• Repeated divisiveness
• Suicidal tendencies and/or threats
• Eating disorders
• Divorce
• Mental and emotional instability

Here are the action steps:

• Prayer. Pray for the situation, but also be sure to get others (fellow group leaders, accountability partners, pastors, etc.) to pray for you.
• Notify your coach and/or pastor immediately. Be sensitive about who you tell. If it's a big problem, you may need to send it all the way up the chain to a member of the pastoral team immediately.
• Be honest. If the person thinks they have told you something in confidence, inform them that you are obligated, as a person in leadership within your church, to let a member of the pastoral team know about the issue.
• Follow up. Your coach or pastor will work with you to develop an appropriate plan of action and care.
If you're a small-group leader, don't submit your letters of resignation yet! Working with people is tough because people are broken. That means that our small groups will break every now and then, and the most important thing is to know how to fix that break. Always lean on your coaches and pastors to help you navigate these issues.

I will end with a quote from community guru John Ortberg: "People who love authentic community always prefer the pain of temporary chaos to the peace of permanent superficiality." Good stuff.

Tools for Good Conversations

2010-04-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Good Questions Create a Conversation

And they create those conversations without putting anyone in the spot. You don't want our small group members to feel like they are in school, taking a test. You also don't want a scenario where you are the learned teacher asking all the questions, and the group members are under pressure to know the answers you expect from them. That is not a healthy learning situation.

In contrast, some of the best discussion questions solicit input from everyone present. The best example of this is to ask people what they think. There is no wrong answer to the question, "What do you think?" In a Bible study for example: "What do you think Jesus means when He says, 'Sell your possessions?' Was He talking to you and me? What's your opinion?"

Of course, as a leader, you will sometimes know what the Bible actually teaches about a subject—you're not supposed to be void of knowledge or opinions. But you want to gently steer the group toward the answer Jesus gives. Allowing people to discuss questions and process the answers themselves improves their rate of retention. It's also a good idea to remember that your knowledge or opinion may not represent the full scope of a passage or verse.

2009-12-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

Taking down Christmas
by John Fischer

This is always a difficult part of the holiday ritual: taking everything down and packing Christmas away for another year. It seems like every year, the house never looked better, or the tree was never so perfect, and it all becomes so empty when it's gone. Like the guy on a "car-talk" radio program I heard recently who explained the hole in his dashboard left by someone who "borrowed his car stereo without asking" as "nothing but torn wires and sadness." I thought it was such an apt description that I jotted it down, and now I'm feeling a little like my house is all about torn wires and sadness.

There is a depression that sets in after major events in our lives. We struggle with getting back to normal. What can help us move on?

First, we can remember that we take the risen Christ of Christmas with us into the New Year. On Christmas, we focus so much on a baby in a manger that we sometimes forget the baby grew into a man who conquered death once and for all and now sits at the right hand of God the Father where He intercedes for us constantly. That means you and I have continuous representation at the highest level. All these decorations celebrated His birth, but walking into whatever our lives hold for us on January 6, 2009 is a celebration of resurrection and of power. We will never walk alone.

Second, I suggest you do like we do: leave something up -- some little reminder of the season. Maybe an ornament on a mantle, or the wreath on the door. In areas of New England and especially Pennsylvania, many homeowners leave a single light in their windows throughout the winter. I always wondered why they did that, and now I may have come up with at least my own reason.

The light Christ has brought into our lives has forever dispelled the darkness. Nothing will ever be the same. Maybe it would be good to leave a little light on around the house that wasn't there before, just to remember what remains from Christmas. The whole point of His birth into our torn world was to show the lengths He would go to in order to get to us. And now He is here. That is the point.

We might take down Christmas, but Christ remains in our lives, and no one can ever take Him away!

For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made His light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:6)

A Worldview of Thankfulness

2009-11-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

by John Fischer

The worst moment for an atheist comes when he is really thankful and has no one to thank. 
-- (Author unknown)

Thanksgiving is not just one day a year, it is the theme song of the Christian. For a Christian not to be thankful is like a dog not wagging his tail at his owner's approach.

Thankful Christians walk around grateful for every breath, every sunset, every new morning, every color in the color spectrum, and every star in the sky. Like an alcoholic who is clean and sober, noticing beauty and taste for the first time, we are grateful just to be alive because we have been dead for so long.

It's hard to think of one vice that the virtue of thankfulness cannot render useless. One does not need to steal when one is thankful. A man does not covet his neighbor's wife when he is thankful for his own. No one craves more when he is grateful for what he has.

In the same way, a thankful heart cancels out pride and arrogance. No need to judge other people when you are thankful for who you are. No need to measure yourself by and compare yourself to others when you are thankful for what God has done in your life. No need to keep anyone out of the kingdom of God when you know you don't deserve to get in. (God can let in anyone He wants. I am simply glad to be counted among the saved.)

You don't care if you get the important seat at the table when you are overcome with gratitude at simply being invited to the dinner. You don't put heavy weights on other people's shoulders when you are thankful that God has lightened your own load. You are not obsessed with what other people think of you when you are overwhelmed with the fact that God is thinking about you all the time. You don't demand respect when you are thankful for your place. You don't have to hide your own sin when you are already thankful for God's forgiveness. You don't have to protect your image when you are already number one with God. You don't have to condemn other people's blindness when it's only the grace of God that has allowed you to see. You don't have to try for the highest place when you are already grateful for whatever place you were given. You don't have to make a show of spirituality when you are thankful for having received the Spirit. You don't have to clothe yourself in holy robes when you have been already clothed in righteousness. (Or as a friend of mine used to say, "Why be cute when you're already beautiful?") You don't have to be full of yourself when you are thankful that God has filled you up with Himself.

Not only do we have a lot to be thankful for, our thankfulness can accomplish much.

How to Start Over After Failure - Proverbs 28:13

2009-10-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

How To Start Over After Failure
by Rick Warren

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. Proverbs 28:13 (LB)
*** *** *** ***
Here are four steps to take when starting over after a failure:

1. Accept responsibility for your own failure. If you’ve made a mistake, admit it.
Welcome to the human race! Don’t blame others. To blame others is to “be lame.” Losers love to blame bad luck, the economy, the boss, their spouse, or even God for failure. But winners never accuse others and never excuse themselves when they fail.

In 1974, after an 88-game winning streak, the UCLA basketball team lost to Notre Dame in a game where they’d led by 11 points. The next day’s headline read: “Coach Wooden says, ‘Blame me!’” Wooden was a winner.

“A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance” (Proverbs 28:13 LB).

2. Recognize the benefits of failure.
Failure teaches you what doesn’t work. Thomas Edison, the great inventor, said, “Don’t call it a failure. Call it an education!” Failure forces you to be more creative as you look for new ways to accomplish something. It prevents arrogance and egotism. If everything you did was a stunning success, no one could live with you!

Failure also causes you to reevaluate what’s important in life. It’s one way God gets you to reflect on the direction of your life. “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways” (Proverbs 20:30 GNT).

3. Ask God for wisdom to understand what caused your failure. Why did you fail? Is there any reason you might have set yourself up to fail? There are many unconscious reasons we sometimes sabotage our own efforts:

• Fear of success – Success may mean handling more responsibility than you want to carry.
• Guilt – If you feel you don’t deserve to succeed, you may set yourself up to fail.
• Resentment – Some people fail as a way of getting even with those who are pressuring them to succeed.
• Ask God what caused it – “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all ...” (James 1:5 NIV).

4. Forget the past and focus on the future. Your past is past!

It’s water under the bridge. You can’t change it so you may as well stop worrying about it. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on ...” (Philippians 3:13-14 NIV).

Anger:Re-pattern Your Mind

2009-09-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

by Rick Warren

"Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind" (Romans 12:2 TEV).

The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we've got to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc.—then we need to have some mental reconditioning.

Gary Smalley suggests you begin asking yourself questions like, "Do I enjoy getting angry?" "Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?" "Could I get the same results in a more effective way?" "How would I be different?" Smalley suggests you write it down and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, that's 26 times.

Take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger?I'd suggest using Bible verses in your letter, so that as God's Word fills your thoughts, you're transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you.

The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am. But here's the thing: when you understand how much God loves you and you understand your security in Christ, when you understand how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable.

Homework: Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us, and that we are secure in him.

Growing Younger - We Need Each Other

2009-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

by John Fischer

Ah, but I was so much older
then I'm younger than that now - Bob Dylan

We often think of spiritual growth as getting spiritually bigger and stronger. That would make sense since it’s the meaning of the word. We even have a term we use for those who have walked with God a long time: we call them “spiritual giants.” Yet I’m not sure they, or God, would support the metaphor.

On a couple of occasions when the disciples of Jesus volunteered to shoo the children away, Jesus rebuked them and made a point of His preference for children, going as far as to say that the rest of us need to become like them if we have any desire of finding a heaven in our future.

I wonder what part of being like children he meant. Obviously he didn’t mean we were to be like children in everything, because children are naïve and foolish sometimes. Children are immature and God is pointing us all to maturity in Christ. But in some things spiritual, children have the upper hand.

The most obvious is their simple and total faith and trust in their parents, which becomes an example for us of how to trust our heavenly Father. Secondly, and not quite as obvious, is the wonder of a child. A small child is on a road of discovery and every new thing is full of delight. It does not take much to please young children because their imaginations are so active and their experiences are so new and fresh.

Something else I’ve observed afresh with our nine-year-old Chandler is the ease by which children make friends. We can be at a local park or at the beach and I watch him immediately jump in with whoever is there—no introductions necessary—as if they were long lost buddies.

And it's also always a contrast with parents around, how careful and suspicious we are of each other as we play out a little charade to determine whether or not we will introduce ourselves and bother getting into adult conversation while our children play. Our children have no problem with what can be a difficult barrier for us, and the contrast makes our isolation even more apparent.

Take it from the kids: we need each other. We are all longing for contact; we are just afraid.

Our mission in life revolves around relationships. Learn from the children. They are judgment-free, suspicion-free, un-self-conscious playmates, sharing in what they have in common, and jumping into the "now-ness" of being together. I don't know about you, but I could sure stand to be a lot more like that.

A funny thing happened on the way to a poem

2009-07-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

by John Fischer
A funny thing happened on the way to a poem: I unearthed a controversy I had no intention of addressing. But since it came up, let's see what we can do with this.

I'm referring to the subject of tattoos and body-piercing that came up when I used the metaphor of a tattoo to describe our names that have been engraved upon the palm of God's hand.

Some, who were accustomed to sharing the Catch with the whole family, were concerned their kids might see the metaphor as encouraging the practice of marking their bodies which as parents they disapprove of.

Still others were elated to find at least an inclusive reference to tattoos in a context they wouldn't expect. They were overjoyed with being able to take what had been for so many a source of division, and use it as a link for parents and kids—a bridge across a formerly insurmountable cultural divide.

This is what I wish to affirm today: an attitude of seizing every opportunity for reconciliation that we can find. There is so much that divides us without even trying. We need to put our efforts into what brings us together.

"…with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3)

The Secret to Handling Frustration

2009-05-26T14:52:00.000-07:00

By: Rick Warren

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).

It’s amazing how fifteen minor frustrations at the office can add up to one big, bad attitude by the time you head for home. Frustrations come in three varieties:

1. Interruptions: Unexpected visitors or phone calls when you have a deadline to meet or something important requires your attention. Our best plans are often interrupted.

2. Inconveniences: While interruptions are usually from people, inconveniences are usually situations involving things: the copy machine breaks down, traffic jams up, or you can’t find what you need when you need it.

3. Irritations: Long delays, unreliable people, playing telephone tag, catching a cold, obnoxious clients, etc.

But the truth is you can’t eliminate these. No doubt you’ll face all three varieties this week, but you can keep them from stressing you out.What’s the secret of managing your frustrations?

Don’t resist it, but don’t overreact or blow up. Don’t resent it; don’t internalize your anger. Don’t resign to it; don’t have a pity-party.Instead, reduce it. Treat it as insignificant. Put the frustration into proper perspective. It’s just a minor setback, a part of living, no big deal!

It’s certainly not worth a heart attack. Follow these rules for stress management:
• RULE #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
• RULE #2: Realize it’s all small stuff!

The Bible says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV). The only way we can see all stuff as small stuff is to view it from God’s perspective. When I am in tune with God, I remember he has everything under control even though I don’t! So I don’t have to sweat it:

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV). Pray this prayer: “Lord, help me to be filled with your love, joy, and peace, so that when I’m squeezed and pressured it is your love, joy, and peace that spill out of me.”

God's Provision:Faithful Givng

2009-05-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

by Rick Warren

"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).

God promises to meet all your financial needs, if you (1) ask him for help; (2) learn to be content; and (3) practice giving in faith.There is a universal law called the principle of sowing and reaping.

If I sow criticism, I'm going to reap criticism. If I sow generosity, it's going to come back to me, and I'm going to reap generosity.Every farmer knows this. A farmer has four sacks of seed in his barn and he looks at his empty field. He doesn't complain, "There's no crop! I wish there was a crop!" He just goes out and starts planting seed. When you have a need, plant a seed.

It seems illogical that when I have a need, I should give. That's why it requires faith. God says, "My ways are not your ways."Why did God set it up that way? Because God is a giver. He is the most generous giver in the universe, and God wants you to learn to be like him. He wants to build character in you.The Bible says, "Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce" (Proverbs 3:9 NLT).

This is the principle of tithing. It's the principle that says every time I make one hundred dollars, the first ten dollars goes back to God.Tithing is an act of worship. We're giving to God. We're saying, "All of it came from you anyway." God says, "Put me first in your life and watch what I do." You may think you can't afford to tithe, but the reality is, you can't afford not to.Tomorrow we'll look at maintaining integrity, another condition for answered prayer.

Listen before you answer

2009-05-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

By Rick Warren
"Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).

To really communicate, you must give up three things:

1. You must give up your assumptions. We get into trouble when we start assuming we understand the meaning of what people say to us. The truth is everything you hear goes through a filter. Your filter is determined by your past experiences and your unique personality. You may not be hearing what they are really saying. Therefore, it is smart (and safe) to ask for clarification: "Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting" (Proverbs 18:13 TEV).

2. You must give up your accusations. You never get your point across by being cross. Anger and sarcasm only make people defensive and that kills communication. There are four common forms of accusation:• Exaggerating, such as making sweeping generalities like "You never," or "You always."• Labeling, such as derogatory name-calling. Labeling never changes anyone. It only reinforces the negative behavior.• Playing historian, such as bringing up past failures, mistakes, and broken promises.• Asking loaded questions, ones that really can't be answered, such as, "Can't you do anything right?"The Bible says, "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Ephesians 4:29 TEV).

3. You must give up your apprehensions. Fear prevents honest communication. It causes us to conceal our true feelings and fail to confront the real issues. The two most common apprehensions are: the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. But when you face your fear and risk being honest, then real communication can happen. Freedom is the result of openness. Jesus said, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32 TEV).

Life Together:Don't Be Reluctant to Show Mercy

2009-05-08T19:28:00.001-07:00

“When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair” (2 Corinthians 2:7 CEV).

In real fellowship people experience mercy. Fellowship is a place of grace, where mistakes aren’t rubbed in but rubbed out. Fellowship happens when mercy wins over justice.We all need mercy, because we all stumble and fall and require help getting back on track. We need to offer mercy to each other and be willing to receive it from each other.

You can’t have fellowship without forgiveness because bitterness and resentment always destroy fellowship. Sometimes we hurt each other intentionally and sometimes unintentionally, but either way, it takes massive amounts of mercy and grace to create and maintain fellowship.

The Bible says, “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 NLT).The mercy God shows to us is the motivation for us to show mercy to others.

Whenever you’re hurt by someone, you have a choice to make: Will I use my energy and emotions for retaliation or for resolution?You can’t do both.Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior.Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record.

If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time. The best place to restore trust is within the supportive context of a small group that offers both encouragement and accountability.

God's Tatoos

2009-05-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

by John Fischer

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

Not in the sky, because the sky is too high
Not in the clouds, because the clouds can't hold you
Not on a stone, for a stone is too cold
Not on silver or gold, lest anyone think you could be sold
Not in a book, because a book could be lost

But on the palms of His hands On the flesh
Where you can't be lost, sold or forgotten
On the flesh Where He sees you all the time
On the flesh Where the pain was measured out in love
On the flesh In the warm skin of the Savior
There you are… Permanent Indelible
Part of… Engraved Cut into Scarred
forever As God's tattoos

Your Mind on Caffeine

2009-04-15T14:18:00.000-07:00

by John Fischer
This is your mind... This is your mind on caffeine. Apparently they are two different things.

Researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia released a study showing that caffeine makes people more open to logical argument, even when it runs counter to their previously held opinions. The caffeine group, across the board, tested out as being consistently more open-minded than the decaf group. This would definitely lend new credibility to the belief that conversations over coffee are a good thing.

An open mind is necessary for any relationship to grow. You have to be open to another way of thinking to relate to someone, because we are all different – we have different backgrounds, different gifts, and we see things from different points of view. Lasting relationships grow out of accepting one another's differences. We appreciate each other more through consensus than through conformity.

This kind of open-mindedness in relationships is important for more reasons than just our differences. It is important because we are always changing, and since we are all in process, we have to remain open to that process in each other. My road will not be yours; yours will not be mine, even if we walk together. God has different plans for each of us. Jesus Christ did not die to create clones. He died so He could fill each one of our unique natures with Himself.

And finally, part of who we are becoming involves those closest to us. We are not who we are in a vacuum. We are a product of the people we know and how we have grown together. We shape each other. When this aspect is strong, there is a healthy push and pull at work. “As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)

Belief has commonly been associated with a closed mind. This is unfortunate because nothing could be further from the truth. Belief opens you up to God and gives you his Spirit to help reinterpret the world around you. Belief is all about discovery, and just as our relationships with each other are not static, neither is our relationship with God. We are constantly discovering more about God and his world, and we are constantly discovering more about ourselves and those around us.

So pour another cup of brew for you and that friend. Open your hearts and minds to each other, and get ready for a surprise!

Poison ivy at the cross

2009-04-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

By John Fischer

There is a cross at the camp I spoke at last weekend that sits atop a small rise affording a panoramic view of the surrounding countryside.

We had our final service there, a very meaningful communion service, while a strong Kansas wind blew through our small group of believers. The cross is made of roughhewn logs and sits in the middle of a circle roughly 40 feet in diameter. Except for a three-foot radius around the cross, the area is covered in concrete with stone seats on the perimeter. The small circle at the foot of the cross contains a few large stones – one served as a table for the elements – and what was once some vegetation, but has, out of neglect, turned into a heap of twisted vines and brambles.

Only a few leaves were left on these vines, and the prickly, tangled mass made me think of the crown the soldiers placed on Jesus the day He was crucified. As I stared at a few reddish leaves left on one of the vines, I noticed they were in a sinister grouping of three. I've learned to read that configuration as poison oak, but these were not oak leaves. When I asked someone there if this was poison oak, they told me, no, it was poison ivy. I was on the right track.

Poison ivy at the cross. Something about that seems like you would expect it – like evil lurking around its death site, still flaunting its power to trap and enflame. It has the audacity to spring up where it was conquered. Evil was beaten at the cross, it's just playing out its sentence on death row. Only time makes it seem still alive. Its days are numbered.

We need to remember this when we are tempted. For like this ivy around the cross, evil can still find its way to where we don't attend to life. If we neglect to care for and tend to our spiritual life, no telling what can take root.

Just remember this about sin: It feels good to scratch, but the itch never stops. Why go back to what the cross defeated? "

…and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…" (Matthew 6:13)

But they will in a minute

2009-03-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

by John Fischer

I recently heard the story of a young kindergartener who, when asked by her teacher what she was going to create for her art project proudly announced she was going to draw a picture of God. To which the teacher announced, "But no one knows what God looks like." "They will in a minute," came the bold reply.

She's right, you know. She's about to paint what God looks like to her, in her imagination, and she will be right. Not that God is relative to everyone's idea of Him, but that He is so multifaceted that no one picture can capture all of Him, nor can all of the pictures together make Him up. She is also right about the fact that we bring God to people, not only because are we are in His image, but because He dwells in us by faith.

What I love most assuredly about this statement is its audacity. "Oh, they'll know all right, because I am about to reveal Him to them." Would that we were all that confident about our ability to represent Christ to the world. This was a major part of Christ's role while on earth—to represent God to the world. "He who has seen me has seen the Father."

Our task is no less significant. If part of Jesus' purpose was to reveal God to us, part of ours is to reveal Jesus to others. "Christ in you, the hope of glory," Paul wrote. What a great thing to focus on as we prepare to do anything—go anywhere—see anybody… "No one knows what God looks like?" we can say to ourselves, "But they will in a minute…"

2009-03-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

Committing to Each Other
2008/07/31
by Jon Walker

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)
*** *** *** ***
Truth teaches that the quality of our friendships is more important than the quantity. We don’t need a lot of friends in this life, but we do need a few good ones.

By moving beyond superficial acquaintance with specific Jesus-ones, we become friends who are closer than family (Proverbs 18:24).

This requires considerably more commitment than our standard “to each his own” approach to getting along. Instead, we agree there will be “none of this going off and doing your own thing” (Colossians 3:15 MSG).

We see each other as individuals, unique creations of God and vessels of God’s grace. We “develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results” when we “do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor” (James 3:18 MSG).

Although this describes what a family should be, it’s a stone, cold fact that many people find closer relationships among friends than their blood relatives. But there is a different type of blood relative, sisters and brothers who are grafted together through the blood of Jesus Christ.
His power within us gives us the ability to become companions who stick together closer than a brother, or sister.

Jesus Taught the Most Important Command Is To Love

2009-02-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

By: Tom Holladay - Saddleback Church

Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31 (NLT)

One of the most noticeable things about Jesus’ interactions with others is how people love to ask him questions. Crowds press in with questions; Jesus’ disciples call him aside for questions; and those who disagree with Jesus try to trap him with questions.

It’s easy to dislike this third group, and it often seems as though Jesus is wasting his time when talking with them. Doesn’t he know that their questions are just thinly veiled attempts to trick him into saying something they can use to accuse him? Yet he patiently listens to their questions, and he answers them one by one.

One day the questions are coming fast and furious. One group asks a question about paying taxes; another group launches into a series of questions about marriage. Jesus’ answers are brilliant and right to the heart, as always, but it seems that maybe it’s time to move on and talk to some who are more open to what he has to say.

Then a teacher from the edge of the crowd asks a question with a slightly different tone. There seems to be a genuineness to his question not heard from the others. He simply asks, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

In Jesus’ answer is the most important statement about relationships you’ll ever hear. As Jesus speaks, he leaves no doubt as to the value he places on relationships:

“The most important [commandment] … is this: … ‘Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and
with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is
this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ ” (based on Mark 12:28-34).

Jesus’ simple, clear answer to this question has the power to take our breath away. By choosing these two commands as the most important of all of the Old Testament commands, Jesus tells us how deeply he values relationships. He values our relationship with God, and he values our relationships with each other.

Your relationships with God and others will last all the way into eternity. Jesus knows full well that the swirling wonder and pain of our relationships tempt us to move them down our priority list.

“Who needs this?” we say, and so reduce our lives to simple hobbies, tasks, and entertainments. That’s not the answer!

When I try to make less important that which is truly most important, it only causes more confusion. A life without relationships may well be a simpler life, but it is also an empty life.
The path to the greatest life possible and the greatest joy possible is found in the priority that Jesus taught us to keep at the top of the list: Place the highest value on relationships.

My Starbucks Nose

2009-01-23T21:31:00.000-08:00

by John Fischer

After much deliberation and some concern, I have finally come to believe that I have a Starbucks nose. This has nothing to do with my nose's olfactory function; it's something I wear on the outside of my nose.

My wife and I have been noticing a pale black mark on the tip of my nose on and off for the last few weeks. The on and off part is what made it so difficult. Sometimes there are even two spots, and then other times there is nothing. At my age, you learn to not pass off anything that might indicate abnormal or unusual cell growth.

Then one morning, when I was drinking my coffee, my nose pressed against the snap-on lid of my Starbucks mug that keeps it hot, it hit me. It's either a coffee stain from the inside of the lid that folds back, or some of the black plastic wearing off with age. So that's it. I have a Starbucks nose—evidence that my nose is deeply embedded in the daily consumption of dark-roasted fresh-brewed coffee.

Which makes me wonder what we would expect to see on a follower of Christ that is evidence of being with Jesus? A spot of love? A smudge of kindness? A mark of patience? Certainly you would expect one who has been around Jesus for a long time to have a special compassion for the poor and disenfranchised. They might even have a sort of bent out of shape nose when it comes to privilege, power and position.

For sure you would see an absence of condemnation and an abundance of mercy. Forgiveness would be a strong mark. There would certainly be humility present in a form that was not conscious of itself. All of this would manifest itself in character strength wrapped in gentleness.

It's there; you can see it. Drink in a lot of Jesus. Look for the marks.

A Scary Kind of Love

2009-01-05T18:08:00.000-08:00

by Gordon MacDonald

While hiking in Switzerland this past month, I came to a town in which one of my favorite hotels is located. It's a very Swiss hotel, not overly expensive, with a wonderful view of the mountains. I stay there at least one night every time I go to Switzerland. And last month I intended to stay there again.

But the man at the desk turned me away. "You have no reservation," he said, "and the hotel is full for the night."

I tried to coax him to find a way to let me in: "I come here every year … you've always had a room for me before … I only have this one night … this is my favorite hotel." Most New England inn keepers would have caved in to my efforts at charm, but not the man at the desk of the Swiss hotel.

When I realized his mind was made up, I was really piqued. But not so that he would have noticed. Christians, after all, act nice. But inside I felt rejected and disappointed. I really wanted to say as I went out the door, "I never liked your stupid hotel anyway. I only stay here because it's cheap." But the truth is that I did like it. Strange, the conflicted attitudes that breed like bacteria in the human heart when one feels rejected.

Then in my Bible reading a day or two later, I came across that story in which the disciples of Jesus sought accommodations for themselves and the Lord in a Samaritan village. They, like me, were turned away. But on this occasion, the issue was more than just a no-vacancy problem. The disciples were Jews, and the Samaritans held them in contempt. We're talking real animosity here.

As I brooded on the Bible story I remembered first that the Samaritans violated the principle of Middle Eastern hospitality: one never turns away someone in search of shelter and replenishment. I should have reminded my Swiss "friend" about that.

But returning to the story, I saw that the more important thing had to do with the disciples' handling of the matter. Their attitude was far uglier than my feelings at the Swiss hotel.

"Lord," they asked when they returned to him, "do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?" How's that for going over the top? Thankfully, I did not say (or think) that when I was told there was no room for me at the Swiss hotel.

Fire from heaven? Three years with the Savior (give or take) and this is the best reaction the disciples can come up with? One might want to question the discipling ability of Jesus.
The feelings of the Twelve toward the Samaritans is just plain hateful. You want to ask them if they'd forgotten, among other things, that there were children in that village.

So what's in the human heart that generates such vindictiveness? What is it that causes us to feel justified to wish ill toward an adversary, to speak bitterly to (and about) those with whom we disagree, to support spokespersons who are capable of communicating in the meanest of ways?

The same day as I read the Bible story, I came across this comment from another source: devotion leads to hatred. Since I have tried to live a devoted life (to Jesus), I immediately rejected the comment. But when I remembered the story of the disciples and their attitude, I revisited the idea that devotion of a kind might indeed lead to hatred. And I became very uncomfortable.

I wanted to ask, "What kind of devotion are we talking about?" Can devotion actually go off the rails and become something else? Can we become blinded by devotion and end up being more like those we think of as the undevoted?

One day Jesus was asked about the great commandment. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with your soul and with all your mind," he answered. If he'd left it there, he would have enjoyed universal agreement from those who'd posed the question.

The fact is that these words, left alone, describe a popular, even naïve, kind of devotion which permits people to indulge in bias, arrogance, and even murder in the name of God … if they "love" him enough. The words themselves provide a terrible license to say, "I love God, and since you don't, you are nothing. And since you are nothing, I can speak of you, treat you, and scorn you in any way I choose."

But the Lord went on in his response to the question. "The second is like (the first) … meaning there are really two (not one!) great commandments, and they are like con-joined twins: they cannot be separated. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Everything, in the law and the prophets, he added, hangs on the connection of these two ideas, he said.

In that one paragraph, Jesus united all the teaching of Scripture, everything he came to do and say. Your love for God is evidenced and defined by your love for your neighbor. And we all know what Jesus meant by the word "neighbor."

For me this was a fresh burst of insight and renovation of spirit. Devotion to God without devotion to my neighbor can indeed lead to hatred because it is a devotion made up of words and self-centeredness. Devotion to God without the qualifying force of the second commandment does in fact lead to calling fire down from heaven. It permits a rather sophisticated, self-righteous perspective that leads to slander, scorn, gossip, hateful talk, and various behaviors that can lead to forms of violence. And I find the roots of all of these things deep within me.
All this thinking because a Swiss inn-keeper couldn't find me a room.

Oh, I found another hotel.

Gordon MacDonald is editor at large of Leadership and interim president of Denver Seminary

Love Is An Action

2008-12-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

by Rick Warren

Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. 1 John 3:18 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
Love is something you do. Do you really love someone? Let’s see how you act toward that person. You show love by what you do, not just by what you feel.

Love is more than attraction and more than arousal. It’s also more than sentimentality, like so many of today’s songs suggest. By this standard, is love dead when the emotion is gone? No, not at all. Because love is an action; love is a behavior.

Over and over again, in the Bible, God commands us to love each other. And you can’t command an emotion. If I told you “Be sad!” right now, you couldn’t be sad on cue. Just like an actor, you can fake it, but you’re not wired for your emotions to change on command. Have you ever told a little kid, “Be happy!” I’m trying, daddy!

If love were just an emotion, then God couldn’t command it. But love is something you do. It can produce emotion, but love is an action.

The Bible says, “Let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions” (1 John 3:18 NLT). We can talk a good act: “I love people.” But do we really love them?

Do you really love them? Our love is revealed in how we act toward them.

What's Worship?

2008-12-11T21:05:00.000-08:00

By Joel and Victoria Olsten

“Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name” (Hebrews 13:15, NLT).

Praise is more than just singing songs in church on Sunday. In fact, praise isn’t even about singing songs! Praise is a heart attitude. Praise in your heart prompts singing songs, but it can also be manifest in many different ways. Your words, your actions, your daily life are all ways you give Him praise. Like the verse says, when your actions or words declare your allegiance to His Name, that’s giving God praise.

How do your actions declare your allegiance to Him? By simply obeying His Word. When we continually follow His commands, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when we don’t feel like it, even when we are tired, that’s offering a sacrifice of praise to Him.

Remember, praise is a powerful weapon. Many times in the Old Testament, when God’s people would go into battle, they would send the worshipers out first. Praise precedes the victory. When you live a life that offers Him continual praise, you will see continual victory in every area of your life!

A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, I do offer You continual praise. I choose to follow Your Word so that You may be glorified through me. Let everything within me honor You in all that I do. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Worship on the Go

2008-11-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

by John Fischer

God doesn't desire more of our time sometime, He desires more of our attention all the time.

Ever feel frustrated because you hear messages about getting closer to God and you definitely desire this for yourself, but you are inundated with so much to do already that this only makes you feel guilty because you are too busy for God?

I think we all feel this at one time or another. Some of you may need to carve out some time out of your busy schedule for more specific time to be with God, but that isn't necessarily the only answer to this question. Look at the following scriptures: I have set the Lord always before me. (Psalm 16:8 NIV) My eyes are ever on the Lord. (Psalms 25:15 NIV) I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips. (Psalm 34:1 NIV)

Reading these words makes you wonder if these are the words of a monk who had nothing else to do but devote himself to God. Actually, they are the words of David, King of Israel, a great ruler and warrior. How did he manage to run a nation and keep his eyes on the Lord at all times?

The only conclusion is that he did this while you he did everything else. It's a continual awareness of God that we are talking about here, not necessarily more time devoted to spiritual pursuits. I once saw a sign that read: "Your God is what you pay attention to."

You see, I believe you can pay attention to God while you are doing everything else. It's all about doing everything for God and seeing God in everything we do. It's about bringing God into the boardroom, the exercise room, the living room, and the bedroom. Now of course He's already there in all these places but we're talking about being aware of Him being there at all times. That's what it means to set the Lord always before us.

Worship is a frame of mind that always has God in the picture. Church, Bible study, or devotions then become more precious to us, because we can devote all our attention to that which we have been aware of all along.

[Copyright Purpose Driven Life]

2008-11-11T17:48:00.000-08:00

Fall into grace
by John Fischer

This weekend I got a new take on an old phrase. I had the privilege of being at a church that was born out of failure. Its pastor had a fall from grace forcing him to lose his high position as heir apparent to a 6,000-member congregation and requiring him to give back a very lucrative book deal, but out of the broken pieces of his life, a new thing has begun. I had the opportunity to participate in the new thing that now has gained a level of legitimacy as a new congregation about ready to move into its first building, and it was an eye-opener.

As a result of its unique beginning, this church has attracted people whose life histories have not exactly followed the good Christian housekeeping seal of approval. They are, many of them, rejects from other churches – dropouts due to their own falls from grace. And as I pondered this, I wondered why it was the exception to the rule to have a church full of broken people. What are churches supposed to be anyway if not communities of those who need Jesus on a regular basis?

Unfortunately in many places, church has become more like a group of people who are all fixed up instead of those who are broken. At least that's what we try to be… The First Church of All the Fixed Up People. The problem with supposedly being fixed is that you have to do something with the knowledge that deep down inside, you know that you are not – that not everybody is telling the truth about themselves, yourself included, but because we are all "fixed," we can't face the truth.

In this light, a fall isn't the worst thing that could happen. If it brings you in touch with the real truth about yourself, and a true understanding of God's grace because you need it so much, it could be the best thing that could ever happen to you.

All I can say is, the place where this pastor has fallen to is a much better place than where he was before he fell. And the more I think about this, the more I am convinced that we have the phrase all wrong. You don't fall from grace; you fall into grace. Grace is not up; grace is down. Grace is what you finally understand when you fall. In fact, until you're down and broken, you can't even know what grace is. Oh you may be able to define it, and illustrate it so that it sounds like you know what you're talking about, but you never know grace until it reaches you personally in the depths of your own brokenness. Thus a fall into grace is really a fall into your salvation.

Fall from grace? Impossible. Grace is already down. Grace is what catches you. You can't fall from grace because there's nowhere else to fall. You're already in the arms of God.

2008-10-25T20:18:00.000-07:00

Cow Shout Out

by John Fischer

Heads up....ears forward....waiting.....

I'm definitely getting a lot of mileage out of my weekend in Kansas. Part of what made it memorable was the fact that the man who invited me and was my host for the weekend is someone whose life and ministry paralleled mine in many ways.

This is our second weekend together in three years and I'm still going, "You're kidding; you were there too?" It is also informative seeing Kansas from the perspective of a relocated Californian (he and his wife have been transplanted from southern California to Kansas for 14 years). Someone from somewhere else is going to see Kansas much differently than one who has always been there.

One picture just won't go away. On the way to the camp, we stopped in a small town for some ice cream. My friend and his wife sometimes spend a Saturday just visiting small towns off the beaten path, and this was one of those they found. This place was far enough away from the main road that people stare at you when you walk into a restaurant because you obviously aren't from those parts.

This particular place was famous for its big scoops of ice cream, and while we were inside waiting for ours, I caught two white-haired ladies sitting side by side, their backs to a wall that was covered in a floor-to-ceiling American flag. On one hand, I craved my camera, on the other, the picture is indelibly printed on my mind. Close your eyes and you can see it too. It is the essence of Midwestern Americana. Not to mention the life-sized Statue of Liberty streetlight that graced someone's front lawn on our way back to the main highway. (It was a replica of the statue holding up an art deco streetlamp globe instead of a torch.)

But the highlight of the experience was undoubtedly the cow "shout out" game my host introduced me to. The idea is to scream, "Hey cow!" at the top of your lungs out the window as you pass a herd of bovine along the road, and the person who gets the most number of cows to actually lift their heads and look your way wins.

Well, yours truly came out on top, getting at least a dozen brown cows looking our way all at once with their red ears standing at attention. It was an amazing reaction. I didn't think they would even hear me; they were so far away. I can still see those cows with their ears up. I think I found a new audience. Now if I just knew what to do with them.

Would that we could give God the same kind of attention all the time. Heads up… ears forward… waiting…

Peace Be Still

2008-10-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

“Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm” (Mark 4:39 NKJ).

What do you do when the storms of life seem to be raging against you?

One time Jesus was with His disciples in a boat out on the water when they encountered a great storm. The disciples were very afraid, but Jesus on the other hand, was fast asleep. When the disciples woke Him up to see if He could help them, Jesus got up and simply spoke to the storm, “Peace! Be still.” And the seas were calm again.

When difficult times come, you don’t have to be overwhelmed by the waves of worry or fear. Just as Jesus stood up and spoke to the storm, you have power in your words, too. As a believer, the Bible tells us that the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in you. That means God’s miracle-working power is on the inside of you. He’s given you His authority to declare peace over your home, over your mind, and over your family. Remember, no matter what storms may come against you, the Greater One lives on the inside of you, and He’ll empower you to live in victory in every area of your life!

Joel and Victoria Olsten

2008-09-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

Outside In
by Jim Poole
Excerpted from Willow Creek Magazine, Summer 2008

“Hey, I knew we were running late, but I didn’t think we were that late.”

Kristi and I were running up the steps because we were, y’know, late, and coming down the stairs was a guy to whom Kristi was directing her remark.

“Hey, Dude!” Kristi can be outspoken on occasion, “Is it over? Is it breaking up already?”

“Oh, uh, no.” The guy seemed startled that a stranger would be talking to him. He looked up and added, “It’s just getting started I think.”

“Well, then, you’re going the wrong way!” Kristi persisted.

“Oh, uh, well I don’t think I’m supposed to be there — you’re asking about the church group, right” He was second-guessing what was happening at the moment. He wore his coat zipped all the way up to his chin, though it was unseasonably warm, and his baseball cap was pulled down low.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a community group kickoff,” Kristi confirmed. “And whaddaya mean you’re not supposed to be there?”

“Well, everybody else’s bringing in a dish to pass and I don’t have … ”

“Oh, rubbish, the potluck thing is just optional, just for the regulars. C’mon, let’s go in … ”

“Seems like everyone is a regular in there,” he managed a chuckle, “I just heard about this deal this afternoon … ”

“Well, it’s not like there were any formal invitations or anything,” I tried to joke.

He then held up a postcard with a graphic that depicted a formal type invitation. “They handed this to me at the door … just to me. I think everyone else knows each other … ”

Kristi interjected, “Well, what’s your name?”

“Will.”

“Hey, I’ve got a little nephew named Will,” I offered as a way to connect. “You kinda remind me of him: he didn’t want to go to his Sunday School classroom because he didn’t know any of the other kids there and …”

They both just looked at me with blank stares. Then Kristi slugged me in the arm.

“Don’t pay any attention to him. I’m Kristi and he’s a blockhead. So now you know us, let’s go in, whaddaya say?”

Kristi won Will over and introduced him to other people in the community group. He discovered several others who were there for the first time and who didn’t know anyone else either. Some even joked about being intimidated about entering the room where it looked like everyone already knew everyone else and were having a great time as old friends, when in fact it turns out half the people there were newcomers.

When you’re on the outside looking in, things can often appear to be closed and exclusive and unfamiliar and intimidating. It’s not until you’re brought inside that the scales fall away from your eyes and you see things with more clarity. Like how everyone wants to have community, a place where everyone knows your name ... and how it seems like that kind of community is ever so elusive ... and how it just takes someone to kindly usher us in from the outside.

Life Together:A Shared Life

2008-09-06T17:02:00.000-07:00

By: Rick Warren

How wonderful it is, how pleasant, for God’s people to live together in harmony! Psalms 133:1 (TEV)
*** *** *** ***
God intends for us to experience life together. The Bible calls this shared experience fellowship.

Today, however, the word has lost most of its biblical meaning. Fellowship now usually refers to casual conversation, socializing, food, and fun.

The question, “Where do you fellowship?” means “Where do you attend church?” “Stay after for fellowship” usually means “Wait for refreshments.”

Real fellowship is so much more than just showing up at services. It is experiencing life together. It includes unselfish loving, honest sharing, practical serving, sacrificial giving, sympathetic comforting, and all the other “one another” commands found in the New Testament.

When it comes to fellowship, size matters: smaller is better. You can worship with a crowd, but you can’t fellowship with one.

Once a group becomes larger than about ten people, someone stops participating—usually the quietest person—and a few people will dominate the group.

Jesus ministered in the context of a small group of disciples. He could have chosen more, but he knew twelve is about the maximum size you can have in a small group if everyone is to participate. The body of Christ, like your own body, is really a collection of many small cells. The life of the body of Christ, like your body, is contained in the cells.

For this reason, every Christian needs to be involved in a small group within their church, whether is it a home fellowship group, a Sunday school class, or a Bible study. This is where real community takes place, not in the big gatherings.

If you think of your church as a ship, the small groups are the lifeboats attached to it. God has made an incredible promise about small groups of believers: “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst” (Matthew 18:20 NASB).

2008-08-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

2008/08/12

We Need Models and Mentors
by Rick Warren

Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. Philippians 3:17 (NIV)
*** *** *** ***
For us to mature, we need models and mentors.

Many people make the mistake of thinking all they need to grow spiritually is God’s Word and prayer. But the truth is, we need people to help us grow.
Christlike character is built through relationships, not in isolation. There are many things God wants you to learn about life that you’ll never learn on your own. You’ll only learn them in community.

We always grow faster and stronger with living, breathing examples who can model for us what a purpose driven life looks like. We need more than explanations, we need examples.
Paul realized the power of a pattern when he advised, “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you” (Philippians 3:17 NIV). To grow, we need to see principles in practice. We need to see what beliefs looks like when they are translated as behavior in everyday situations.

When Paul would travel to a city to start a church, he would begin by simply living among the people. He was a “living Bible,” echoing the life of Jesus, where “the word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14 NKJV).

After Paul left a city, he would write back, “Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9 NLT).

Who are your models for following Christ? Who are you watching and learning from?
Here’s a tougher question: Are you an example for anyone else? In elementary school, you probably enjoyed “Show and Tell.” As believers, we’re often better at “telling” than “showing.”
In today’s culture, the world desperately needs people who can show us how to love our spouse and make a marriage last, how to relate to our kids, how to do business with integrity, how to handle conflict in the way Jesus would. These are lessons we learn by watching others.
Not only do we need models to grow, we need mentors. Mentors are people who’ve followed Christ longer than we have and are able to share their life lessons. You’ve heard that it’s wise to learn from experience, but it is wiser to learn from the experiences of others. Life is too short to learn everything by experience! And some painful experiences can be avoided if you’re smart enough to learn from mentors in your church family.

Ask yourself this: “What’s been the greatest positive influence on my life?” Most likely it was not a sermon, seminar, or small group lesson. It was somebody who shaped your life through a personal relationship.

Can you see God’s wisdom in creating the church, a family full of mentors and models for our benefit?

That’s why being connected to a small group is so crucial to spiritual growth. It’s a regular opportunity to learn from each other.

Today, spend a few moments getting intentional about this. Write down the names of people in your church and small group that you’d like to learn from. Then identify what you’d specifically like to learn from them. Remember, they don’t have to be perfect to be a model or mentor.
To grow spiritually, you must also be willing to be a model or mentor to others. That may scare you but all it takes is being one step ahead.

People don’t expect you to be perfect – they already know you aren’t. What they want you to be is honest! So let them see your struggles, not just your successes. We usually grow as much from others’ weaknesses as we do from their strengths.

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.